


Rise of the ReyEmpress: A Reylo Crack Fiction

by FelixAzrael



Series: The Reylo Crack Collection [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Masturbation, Pregnancy sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixAzrael/pseuds/FelixAzrael
Summary: It is a dark time in the galaxy. Six months after having learned of the sex holo that was made without her permission, the Supreme ReyEmpress his risen and declared a galaxy wide prohibition on all pornographic materials, including explicit fanfiction. The penalty for possession and distribution of explicit materials is death. Even as she writes this opening crawl, the author shudders at the thought of being hunted down by a hormonal, Dark Side Rey.Desperate to find his wife and unborn child, Ben Organa Solo has enlisted the help of his wife’s closest friends, his mother’s bravest pilot and soldier, the Damerons.





	1. The Nuance Strikes Back

Chapter 1: The Nuance Strikes Back

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away….

 

It is a dark time in the galaxy. Six months after having learned of the sex holo that was made without her permission, the Supreme ReyEmpress his risen and declared a galaxy wide prohibition on all pornographic materials, including explicit fanfiction. 

 

The penalty for possession and distribution of explicit materials is death. Even as she writes this opening crawl, the author shudders at the thought of being hunted down by a hormonal, Dark Side Rey.

 

Desperate to find his wife and unborn child, Ben Organa Solo has enlisted the help of his wife’s closest friends, his mother’s bravest pilot and soldier, the Damerons. 

 

***

A large, foreboding ship made its way across the stars, filling the screen.

 

A lone, silent figure gazed out the Finalizer at the expanse of stars before her. She was adorned in black from head to toe, her only visible feature beneath her cowl her blood red lips. A black gloved hand rested on the mound protruding from her womb.

 

She sensed a familiar black-haired, mousy man trembling behind her.

 

“Yes?” her cold voice urged him to tend to whatever business he had to bring to her promptly.

 

He swallowed. “Supreme ReyEmpress. One of our spies returned with a report.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“A new threat rises within the ranks of the Resistance.”

 

“Yes, yes,” the Empress brushed him off. “I have felt the Ancient Acolyte’s presence for some time now and have foreseen her defeat.”

 

“There’s something more. The porn we seek is in a dive bar on Coruscant. In the hands of your husband. Ben Organa Solo.” Mitaka felt a dull anger flowing in staccato rhythm from the Empress.

 

Without turning, she spoke in a tense, strained voice. “He means nothing to me.”

 

Mitaka’s stiff, silent stance at attention was broken only by his nerve-induced shaking.

 

“Anything else?”

 

“No, Empress,” he squeaked.

 

“You may go.”

 

General Mitaka about faced to take his leave.

 

“General.”

 

He froze. “Yes, Empress?”

 

“Pulling out is not sufficient birth control. If you can’t manage to use sheaths, at least have Captain Towani see medbay for an injection. We don’t need any more deployment babies.”

 

“How did you--”

 

She glanced over her shoulder. “Unless you’d care to stick around for a discussion about fraternization as well.”

 

Mitaka swallowed. “No, Empress.”

 

“I thought not.”

 

As the General left, the Empress turned her attention back to the expanse of stars before her and caressed her abdomen. “Soon there will be order, my daughter, a galaxy in which you needn’t fear for your privacy.”

 

***

 

Across the galaxy another woman stared out at the brilliance of the universe. A tall woman with blond hair pulled back in a tight, smooth bun, she was a commanding presence in Resistance garb. Her stern face was lined with years of rigidity such that even her high cheekbones seemed held aloft by discipline rather than by natural placement.

 

She addressed the masked bounty hunter at her side in a soft but firm voice. “I’ve heard rumor an insidious  _ nuance _ grows in the galaxy.”

 

The man’s voice reverberated in response, “We cannot have nuance, Commander Dern. Not in Star Wars.”

 

“I quite agree. Star Wars is for those with real morals, not just the academically elite. They don’t get to tell us how to think.”

 

The blue masked bounty hunter nodded. “Indeed.”

 

“Bring Solo and the Wuss to me. I want them alive, Toro.” Her tone remained low and even but she pointed an accusing finger in the bounty hunter’s face. “No disintegrations.”

 

“As you wish,” he intoned.

 

“Good. Now go.”

 

“Ahem, Commander?” Toro dared to negate her intended closing line.

 

She glared at him. “What?”

 

“Could you, um--” He pointed to his neck.

 

“Oh! Yes, yes…” She unhooked the leash attached to her wrist from his collar.

 

“Thank you, ma’am.”

 

“You’re welcome. Now go!”

 

Toro strode away.

 

***

“Finish the passphrase,” a metallic voice commanded in Huttese. “A dream is a…”

 

“Wish your heart makes.”

 

“Excellent. The first rule of Smut Club is we don’t talk about Smut Club.”

 

“All right.”

 

“And the second rule of Smut Club is we don’t talk about Smut Club,” the droid reiterated.

 

“I got it the first time,” a deep male voice enunciated. A pair of dark eyes shifted from side to side beneath a slate gray hood. “Just let me in already, will you?”

 

The ball shaped droid closed its optical lens and zoomed swiftly inside the door, which slid open.

 

Ben Organa Solo pulled his dark hood as far over his face as it would go and made his way swiftly through the dank, seedy dive, dodging scantily clad Twi-leks carrying trays of drinks and nudie holos while an alien band played a sensual number.

 

“Oy! Open your whipped eyes so you can find your way over here, Cry-lo!

 

Ben rolled his “whipped” eyes and sensed his way to the group, taking a seat beside the woman who’d just heckled him. “Nice to see you too, Mom.”

 

“This is bullshit,” Leia started up. “The day I find out I’m going to be a Space Grandma your wife goes off the deep end and here we are half a cycle later. No wife, no status update on grandbabies.”

 

Ben nodded dutifully, preparing to listen to the same complaint he’d heard for the past six months. “Yes, Mother.”

 

“When did you men get so weak, anyway?” Leia hiccuped and set her drink down.

 

Ben sighed. “I don’t know, Mother.”

 

Leia raised her voice. “I swear there’s something defective in the Skywalker Y chromosome. If it were me, I’d have hunted down every last one of those sex holos myself before I had to tell her! Especially in her state!”

 

Ben’s face reddened and he lowered his voice in response. “Screaming about it won’t help.”

 

Han’s Force ghost shook his head. “Let her have it, kid. It’s not wise to upset a woman.”

 

“But no one worries about upsetting men, Dad.”

 

“Men don’t raze the entire galaxy when their sex holos get spread around. Women are known to do that.”

 

Ben cut his father a look. “Evidently.”

 

“So… am I just talking to hear myself or what? When are you going to swap relic hunting for wife hunting?”

 

Ben sighed. “Mom, I can’t just trot around the galaxy at my leisure. I was the scourge of the galaxy for six years. It’s one thing when we stick to backwater planets or speakeasies in the Coruscant underbelly and then I disappear quickly into exile again. I’m already taking a major risk coming here.”

 

“Oh bullshit, no one knows you were Kylo Ren. Everyone thinks you and your uncle went missing on a Jedi adventure and then returned. Speaking of.”

 

Luke Skywalker sat down with the group and reached for a chip from the community bowl.

 

Leia cut him off. “Were you just in the Privacy Room?”

 

Luke cut his sister a squinting look. “Possibly.”

 

“Wash your hands.”

 

“I didn’t--”

 

“Wash them.”

 

Luke rolled his eyes. “Yes, sister dearest.”

 

Leia turned back to Ben. “Listen, as long as you’ll keep your little Kylo escapades confined to the bedroom from now on, you’re way good.”

 

“I dunno, Sis.” Luke held up his hands as Leia muttered the  _ scourgify _ incantation. “The entire galaxy knows two things: Ben and Rey have a sex holo that Rey is ravaging the galaxy to destroy and Kylo Ren swept Rey off her feet and carried her aboard his Command Shuttle to a literal marriage. I mean, people are going to put two and two together soon, right?”

 

Leia slid a cheap tabloid,  _ The Inquisitor _ , across the table for Luke, Han, and Ben to scan the cover.  _ Empress Rey Stops at Nothing to Destroy Sex Holo! Fears Renperor Husband Will Discover Torrid Affair With Prince Ben! _

 

Further down the tabloid read,  _ Prince Ben Really Han Solo and Princess Leia’s Nephew? _

 

Luke shook his head at Ben. “And I thought those parentage theories about your wife smelled bad on the outside.”

 

Han’s Force ghost clapped his son on the back. “I’m still convinced Ben’s gem “The Supreme Leader is wise” is the worst Snoke theory. But  _ The Inquisitor _ takes the cake for terrible theories overall. Take that goofy cowl off, kid. You’re golden!”

 

Ben’s voice was flat. “I’m comfortable, thanks Dad.”

 

“Space Mama! What did we miss?”

 

A dashing pilot and his courageous ex-soldier hubby approached the table, their BB unit rolling faithfully behind them.

 

“Solo,” the ex-soldier acknowledged his best friend’s husband with ice in his voice.

 

“Traitor,” the soldier’s ex-Commander returned fire.

 

“Knock it the fuck off,” said Leia. “We all care about Rey and not one of us cares about your man drama.”

 

“Thank you,” Poe sighed. “All right, so we’re here. Can we get to the action already? What’s the plan?”

 

Ben pulled a pyramid shaped object from his pocket. “This is one piece of the original sex holo Mr. Johnson made. After questioning Mr. Johnson, I learned that when you put all the pieces together, then you can enable its self-destruct mechanism. When the original self-destructs it triggers a chain reaction in all the copies.”

 

“So destroy the original and you destroy the copies. Then Rey stops going batshit and comes home?” Finn clarified.

 

Ben continued, “Exactly - exactly! But there’s one problem. It seems before his, ahem, abrupt demise Hux broke the original down into several pieces and bartered them across the galaxy.”

 

“This plot device again,” Poe muttered to Finn.

 

“Luckily, through no small amount of time in the archives I’ve been able to track down the locations of all the pieces. It seems our first stop is Jakku.”

 

The group gave silent glances to Finn who seemed to be taking a long moment to process what had just been said. Feeling the collective sets of eyes boring into him, he glanced up. His own eyes darted from person to person before settling on his sympathetic and concerned looking husband. Finally, realization dawned on him. “You’ve got to be shitting me!”

 

“I am not shitting you,” Ben said dryly.

 

Finn looked from face to face again. “Okay, but there are multiple pieces in need of retrieving. So can’t we send groups of people to different locations?”

 

“I wish,” said Ben. “We’d be done with this much sooner if that were the case. However, in order to retrieve one piece you must be in possession of the piece I currently have. It’s a Sith holocron - it acts as a key.”

 

“Oh, of fucking course,” huffed Finn.

 

“Wait,” cut in Luke. “ _ Hux _ was a Sith?”

 

“No, but it seems he had connections to an old master still lurking around.”

 

“That sounds like some ominous foreshadowing,” Han commented.

 

“What?” Luke raised a brow.

 

“Sorry, I mean I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” said Han. “There were some complaints in the ether about rehashing so I thought I’d change things up.”

 

“Okay, so who’s going where?” Leia got right down to business. “I need to get back to the Resistance and take care of that side of the house as soon as possible. And I’m calling dibs on Poe - I need my most talented and dashing pilot.”

 

“Aw, thanks Mama,” grinned Poe.

 

“I’m going after Rey,” said Finn, who looked pointedly at Ben.

 

Ben scowled. “Fine, fine. We’ll also need Uncle Luke. You need a master and an apprentice to access the temples.”

 

“We call Chewbacca and BB-8,” said Leia.

 

Ben stared at his mother. “Are you kidding me?”

 

“What?” Leia hiccuped.

 

“I am not taking Threepio on a dungeon crawl. Between his complaining and his nagging he’ll wake up every ancient evil in the place.”

 

“Leave him on the Falcon with busy work and take the useful one with you. It’s what your father and I started doing.”

 

Luke eyeballed a Twi-lek waitress. “You know who else we should take?”

 

“Who,” Ben asked flatly.

 

Han grinned. “Lando!”

 

“Force damnit.”

 

“Aw come on, the old pirate will love this adventure! It’ll be like old times, right son?”

 

“I am not going on anymore hyperspace trips with Uncle Lando.”

 

“Oh, get your attitude in check already. You’re not an awkward, angst ridden fifteen year old anymore. It’ll be fun. Have some fun with the family, Ben!” Han said.

 

“It is not fun. It was never fun.”

 

“Oh honey, but your Uncle Lando loves seeing you,” said Leia. “I don’t understand why you never liked those guys only trips anyway.”

 

Ben glared. “Okay mother, I’ll tell you why. Because Dad nagged me worse than Threepio about my flying--”

 

Han shrugged. “He was slower than a Hutt on the uphill climb of a sand dune.”

 

“Uncle Chewie was always daring me to do incredibly stupid shit and Artoo would call me a pussy if I didn’t do it. But the worst part was Uncle Lando constantly, and I mean  _ constantly _ , trying to peer pressure me into banging out space hookers and then everyone cracking jokes about my sex life.”

 

“Or lack thereof,” Han grumbled.

 

Leia glared at Han’s ghost.

 

Han threw his hands up. “I didn’t participate in the hooker thing!”

 

“No, you just contributed to our son’s social retardation. Is it any wonder he ended up with Snoke?”

 

“I just wanted to make him a normal man, Leia! You’d have had him stay a pouting sissy his whole life.”

 

Ben kicked back in his chair. “Here we go.”

 

“There’s more to being a man than chasing tail and nearly getting yourself killed in a glorified jalopy!” Leia took a swig and yelled.

 

“ _ Jalopy _ ? Listen sweetheart, that jalopy saved your tail more than a few times! But sure, better he learn useful skills with Mom like making sure his hair is perfectly coiffed and getting in touch with his already butthurt feelings just so he could levitate the blue milk instead of walking to the fridge like the rest of us,” Han scoffed.

 

“His _ butthurt feelings _ ? You mean the Force? The power that Ben, Leia, and I all have and that you now believe in?” Luke raised a brow.

 

“Yeah well, there’s a fine line between Jedi training and boyband practice, that’s all I’m saying.”

 

“It wasn’t a boyband, Dad.” Ben rolled his eyes.

 

“You’re right, Ben, it wasn’t. It was a gang of little smart mouthed street punks without daddies who needed a swift kick in the ass and a positive male role model.”

 

“The Knights of Ren started as an  _ alternative _ band, not a  _ boy _ band.”

 

“Hoodlums,” Han countered.

 

“Now… they got into a bit of trouble, but they were good kids at heart,” Leia said.

 

“They were arrested for arson twice before Ben went to Luke!” Han yelled.

 

“Wait. What?” Luke cut in.

 

“Ben had a little incident with arrest for arson. It was just boys being boys and besides, those other boys were the instigators,” Leia brushed him off.

 

Han and Ben cut in together, “It was Ben’s/my idea!”

 

“You didn’t tell me Ben had been arrested for arson!” Now Luke was shouting.

 

Soon the entire Skywalker-Solo clan was standing and drunkenly yelling at each other across the table.

 

Finn watched in awe as the family squabbled. “Baby, are you sure you can’t use my help in the Resistance plot again?”

 

“Sorry honey, no can do,” said Poe. “Rey said you’d see each other again back in Episode VII. My hands are tied.”

  
Finn sighed. “Crap in a hat.”


	2. Back to Jakku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our motley heroes find themselves on a guys only trip. Others lurking close behind scheme about what is soon to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update. I fell asleep three nights in a row with my laptop on my lap to get this done. A bit of smut incoming. Enjoy!  
> -Felix

**Chapter 2: Back to Jakku**

“You will tell me where they are.”

 

“Jedi mind tricks? They only work on the weak minded. Try again,” Nadda spoke in Huttese.

 

“You’re trying my patience, Hutt. I will not ask you a second time. Where are they?”

 

Nadda laughed in response. Until her airway was suddenly restricted.

 

“Where _are_ they?” she growled.

 

“The Slayer,” Nadda croaked, “went back to lead the Resistance.”

 

“And her son?”

 

“To-- to Jakku--”

 

The Hutt’s throat was released and she dropped unceremoniously back to her chaise which broke beneath her weight.

 

“Pull the division out,” the Empress ordered a trooper.

 

“Empress? The smut peddlers?”

 

It took the Empress only the briefest of moments to respond. “Kill them all. And burn this trash compactor to the ground.”

 

***

“How you doin’, Pirate Junior?”

 

Uncle Lando and Uncle Chewie, who’d been off on a guys only trip to the more exotic parts of the galaxy, caught up with Ben, Luke, Finn, and the droids when they received the message from the Falcon. Chewie immediately scooped up Ben for a tight hug, then put some space between them and growled.

 

“We still don’t know,” said Ben. “I just hope when we get the damn holo destroyed she’ll come home.”

 

Chewie responded in a condescending series of grunts.

 

“You sound exactly like Mom. Why do you always take her side?”

 

Lando laughed. “And you sound exactly like your daddy did about ten years ago.”

 

“Han Solo? Henpecked?” Finn asked. “I don’t buy it. He’s a man’s man.”

 

Luke, Lando, and Chewbacca all looked at each other and started howling. Han’s ghost and Ben gave each other a sideways glance that clearly stated, _fuck these jerks_. Finn, the ex-stormtrooper who still didn’t really know what was going on, threw his hands up in exasperation.

 

Lando paused his laughing long enough to explain to Finn, “Don’t take it personally, hotshot. We’ve all known Han and Leia a long time. Henpecked doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

 

“At least when they finally did the deed, it wasn’t like walking into a brick wall of tension every time I hung out with them,” said Luke.

 

Ben cringed at the mention of his parents “doing the deed”.

 

Lando turned to Ben. “Speaking of. You know, kid, if you need to release some tension my offer still stands. I know a couple of girls who could be very good to you.”

 

Ben looked at his Uncle Lando incredulously and raised his wedding ring high. “I. Am. Married! You came to the wedding, for fuck’s sake!”

 

Lando raised his own hands defensively. “All right, all right! Hey, you two seemed pretty kinky. I didn’t know if you had an arrangement or an open marriage or what.”

 

“Yes. We _are_ kinky. With _each other_!”

 

“He’s whipped,” Finn informed Lando.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Whipped. I said you’re whipped, Ren. Tied down. Shackled. Under her thumb,” goaded Finn.

 

Ben narrowed his eyes. “I do things to your bosom companion that would make Poe blush.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“It’s telling she hasn’t already informed the guy who claims to be her best friend.”

 

Finn smirked. “I call bullshit.”

 

Ben resisted the urge to upper cut his wife’s best friend a second time. Finn saw his friend in such a positive light, when she fell into darkness he blamed Ben. He knew he could goad and goad and Ben would take it out of respect for the woman they loved.

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna call bullshit on that one too,” said Lando. “I tried desperately to get that boy laid for the entirety of his teenage years before he was shipped off to a life of sexless monkhood. I bet his old lady popped his cherry.”

 

“I had experience before I met my wife, thank you very much.” Ben rolled his eyes.

 

“When?” Luke, who had been kicked back at the dejarik table rolling a joint and enjoying the inanity of the conversation, put his rolling paper down on the table and raised a brow. “When would you have possibly had time? And with whom?”

 

Ben’s pale cheeks turned a mild pink and he muttered, “Dathomir.”

 

Luke’s eyes widened. “A Night Sister?! Lando, come over here and split this baby with me. I can’t do the whole thing myself.”

 

“Sisters,” Ben corrected.

 

Luke nearly spit the joint across the room. “Where the hell was I for this?”

 

Ben gave him a squinting look. “You were high on some plant native to the planet. I went out looking for the relic we were supposed to find _together_. They abducted me.”

 

Luke caught Han’s Force ghost eyeballing him. He slowly put his joint down on the dejarik table and slid it toward Lando.

 

“Good to know I missed out on him becoming a young man for all the right reasons,” Han said.

 

Hoping to take the heat off himself, Luke piped up. “He took Jedi vows. I trusted him. What about your Jedi vows, Ben? Huh?”

 

Ben shrugged. “I needed a teacher.”

 

“Or two.” Han waggled his eyebrows and elbowed Lando.

 

“Knew your boy had it in him,” Lando congratulated his buddy.

 

“Four,” Ben muttered.

 

Chewbacca barked inquisitively.

 

“No,” Ben told him. “Well, two of them at once and the others by themselves. Same day though.”

 

Chewie questioned him again.

 

“Force heal,” Ben answered curtly. “Can we be done with this conversation? Now it’s just getting weird.”

 

“Good idea,” said Luke. “Why don’t you give everyone a rundown of our goals on Jakku?”

 

“Uncle Luke and I will do the temple run. It’s still guarded by First Order operatives, so Uncle Lando, Finn, and Chewie can handle them while Uncle Luke and I sneak in. Threepio and Artoo will guard the Falcon.”

 

“Oh thank the Maker!” Threepio said.

 

“Sounds easy enough,” said Finn.

 

“What’s the catch?” said Lando. “There’s always a catch with Solos.”

 

“It’s not a catch, per se,” said Ben. “But before we get to our Raiders allusion, I do need Uncle Chewie’s help with something the powers that be cut from Episode VII.”

 

Chewie clapped Ben on the back in solidarity.

 

“Master Ben, might I be of assistance in this matter?”

 

“I don’t think this is your cup of tea, Threepio. It’ll probably get… messy.”

 

“Damn,” said Lando. “There might just be a man somewhere in that scrawny snot nosed hellion after all.”

 

Han laughed. “Hey, maybe we can finally get him to straddle the cockpit window and wave a cowboy hat.”

 

“No,” Ben stated.

 

Artoo rolled by and beeped, “Pussy.”

 

“I don’t speak that, but I’m willing to bet I agree,” Finn said.

 

Ben breathed in through his nose, about faced, and slowly exhaled as he headed toward his quarters. On his way out, he flicked his fingers and Finn’s knees buckled and crashed into the hard metal floor, causing Finn to hiss with pain.

 

“Ren! I know you did that!” Finn shouted between clutching his knee and gritting his teeth.

 

But after the slam of a door all the rest of the crew heard was muffled Nine Inch Nails.

 

***

 

Ben centered himself in the back compartment of the Falcon and tried to reach out to his wife through the Force. _Rey. I miss you._

 

Emptiness filled his mind. And not the emptiness of serenity he was accustomed to finding within himself while meditating. This was different. This was the emptiness of attachment, the emptiness of loss.

 

His chest clenched. He had to distract himself. He conjured images of his love, imagining what she must look like now, nearing month seven of pregnancy. Her small, lithe frame filled with the bump of his child, the daughter they had created in the heat of their passion… His hand wandered down to his slate gray trousers and brushed over his erection before unzipping them, allowing it to spring free. He stroked himself, building up a rhythm while he imagined his very pregnant wife on her side, one knee raised so he could hit all her perfect and delicious spots with every stroke. Kissing her neck and shoulders while a hand trailed over her large bump and swollen breasts, and her dripping pussy invited him further inside. Picking up the pace and relishing her cries of ecstasy as he neared his own climax, so close-- so close--

 

Suddenly a tinny voice filled the compartment. “Master Ben! Thank goodness I found you. You know, it’s dangerous to stay alone too long on a ship in hyperspace. The odds of an accident--”

 

“Threepio, get the _FUCK OUT_!”

 

“Well, I’m only trying--”

 

“ _OUT_!”

 

When Threepio was back on the other side of the bulkhead he remarked, “Well, really! I’m only trying to do my job! I can’t go a day in the Organa Solo family without some sort of emotional outburst, and Master Ben is infinitely worse than Master Han was.”

 

“HA!” Force ghost Han’s disembodied voice blared.

 

***

 

Not far behind, an X-wing followed the Falcon. Inside its cockpit an attractive, raven haired young woman kept her almond shaped eyes focused like a laser on her target.

 

“Soon, my sweet. Soon we’ll be together again.”

 

***

 

Behind the X-wing fighter the _Finalizer_ lurked in the stars. Inside its black depths, an Empress garbed in black silk and velvet caressed her womb.

 

“Soon, my love. Very soon.”

 

***

 

A Firespray model starship trailed behind the _Finalizer._

 

A blue masked bounty hunter stroked a parakeet on his shoulder and took a puff from a hand carved pipe while a local band who only recorded on vinyl played on his speakers. “Soon, precious Princess, you and your bougie son and daughter in law will be ours.”

 

***

 

In an Underground far far away, a fae king looked into a crystal ball and saw a trail of ships following one another. He frowned and waved a black leather gloved hand over the ball. Red smoke filled it then cleared, revealing the future.

 

He sighed and muttered in a Coruscanti accent, “Fuck me sideways.”

 

A goblin peered over his shoulder, then squawked, “I saw what’s gonna happen!”

 

The king closed the goblin’s beak with a gloved hand. “Shut. Up. No one likes spoilers.”

 

A particularly rotund and wide-mouthed goblin waddled up. “I bet the people reading dis series do.”

  
“And don’t break the fourth wall. It’s passe,” sniffed the wild-haired king. “Oggie, Krump! Go fetch my finest cod piece and Sunday riding crop. Charal would appreciate a warning."


	3. Wookiees Are Known To Do That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes back to Jakku to make things right.

A white barn owl apparated on the forest moon of Endor. He flew high from tree to tree, avoiding the visual range of the Ewoks who inhabited the moon. It had been some time since last he had seen Charal, but he knew he’d recognize her striking form the moment he spotted her.

 

“Jareth, you bastard!” she cawed.

 

“Charal. You’re looking well,” he hooted back and landed on a branch beside her.

 

“Can it, you prancing, sparkling, singing ninny.”

 

“Temper, temper. And I came to offer my assistance.”

 

“You could have done that decades ago, Goblin King, before I started losing my feathers.”

 

The Goblin King transformed into his fae form, remaining seated on the branch, and sighed. “We’ve been over this. I could not. I have neither a master nor an apprentice. She slipped through my fingers over a decade ago.”

 

“You expect me to believe after all these years there’s been no one else?”

 

“I expect you to believe nothing. But I can tell you this. Someone who can access the temple is coming to this moon soon. And he does not speak crow.”

 

Charal blinked. “Go on.”

 

***

 

“WWRRRRAAAAGHHRRRRAAARRRR!”

 

Ben rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah and I’ve got to say something too. This bit of business you’re wanting to take care of… I get it. She’s your wife and this guy was a real dick to her, but don’t you think this is exactly the sort of vengeful behavior you should avoid right now?” Luke tugged his ear. “You know, dark side and all?”

 

Ben sighed. “No, you really don’t get it, Uncle. You think you do, but you don’t. Until about six months ago we were in each other’s heads constantly. As in, first person perspective. She feels it, I feel it too. She has a memory, it’s my memory too. And who cares that she’s my wife? Or if she were my daughter or sister or whatever. She’s a human being, period. Trust me, this fucker’s gotta go.”

 

“Ben,” his uncle pressed. “Don’t choose the quick and easy path. Where has it ever gotten you? Where has it gotten Rey?”

 

“Wrrrarrrrragh?”

 

“He kept her starving for 19 years and had lecherous designs on her as soon as she hit puberty.”

 

Chewie growled.

 

“Yeah, I know. Sick.”

 

“Ben, I’m a Jedi. You were once too. It’s not the Jedi way to condone violence, no matter how despicable the crime. You must choose your own path but I cannot come along.”

 

“I understand,” said Ben.

 

Luke sighed and spoke in a flat tone. “You and Chewie take care of the child predator; I’ll stake out the temple and send you the coordinates.”

 

Ben cracked a ghost of a smile.

 

“But you owe me one, Junior!” Luke declared and headed for the hatch.

 

***

 

“So you’ll convince the fallen Jedi to retrieve the ring and in return I’ll open a portal to the girl’s office.” The crow considered for a long moment. Then-- “We have a bargain.”

 

***

 

“No. No, no, no. That was never part of the bargain.”

 

“The fuck it wasn’t!” The wrinkled old woman shook the piece of machinery she’d been scrubbing in Unkar Plutt’s face. Ever since that damned girl had told him off about the droid and left the planet, the rest of the filthy scavengers had been downright incorrigible.

 

“You must have misheard,” Plutt’s oily voice seeped from his greasy jaw. “Not unheard of for a wise old crone of your years.”

 

“I did not ‘mishear’, fuckhead,” the old woman croaked. “Two portions and an extra little ‘sumpin sumpin’.”

 

Unkar gagged as she punctuated ‘sumpin sumpin’ by patting her ass. “What I meant was--”

 

“Wrrraaarrrraaaagggh!”

 

Two new figures, a black haired young man in dark gray and black and a wookiee appeared in the distance, juxtaposed against the dusty Jakku horizon. A tumbleweed rolled by as they made their way toward the outpost.

 

Unkar audibly breathed a sigh of relief. “Excuse me while I greet our guests. We’ll resume our discussion in a moment.”

 

“Unkar Plutt,” stated the young man in black.

 

“The one and only.” Unkar grimaced. “To what do I owe the pleasure of such a well-dressed buccaneer at my post? How may I be of service?”

 

“I’ve come to collect the debt you owe my wife.”

 

Unkar smirked. “You must have the wrong Unkar Plutt. I don’t seem to recall owing anyone’s wife a debt.”

 

Chewie protested in a series of grunts.

 

Ben inhaled deeply. “According to my calculation, you fell 10,847 portions short of the actual value of the parts she scavenged while in your, and I use the term loosely, care.”

 

Realization dawned slowly on Plutt. “The girl--”

 

There was a pregnant silence as the men considered one another.

 

Ben finally spoke. “Pay the debt and no harm will be done.”

 

Unkar laughed. “Debt indeed. She made off with my ship.”

 

Ben closed the gap between them. “Our ship. Hers and mine.”

 

“Pah! Marriage or no, she stole it from me.”

 

“And you stole it from the Irving boys who stole it from Ducain--”

 

“Who stole it from a two-bit smuggler named Han Solo. So who the hell are you?”

 

Ben stood a foot taller. “I am a Solo, like my father before me.”

 

Unkar gritted his teeth. “Touching. I’m short a worker legally left in my custody, by her own kin no less. You have your ship back. We’re square.”

 

“You’re not square with her. Which means you’re not square with me. The credits in your left pocket -- the ones for the rations dealer -- will work fine for a start.”

 

Plutt moved his hand to his left pocket and squinted. “How did you?...”

 

The horny old woman looked from Plutt to wookiee and dark-clad man.

 

***

 

“Go! GO!”

 

“WRRRAAAAARRRRGH!!!”

 

“I don’t care how gross it is, just hang onto it and go!”

 

***

 

“So I told him, Han old buddy, you hang onto your woman as tight as you hang onto your Johnson, she’ll explode. Let the princess breathe a little.”

 

Finn lugged an unconscious trooper to the side of the entrance and wiped the sweat from his brow.

 

“Classic,” chuckled Finn. 

 

The two men drank from their canteens while they guarded the entrance to the tomb.

 

“You know Lando, we make a pretty good team.”

 

“Yeah we do, kid. Yeah, we do.”

 

“Say… you don’t think?... Nah…”

 

“Well, spit it out, kid.”

 

“I was taken from my mother as a toddler. And you’ve slung sperm all over this galaxy. You don’t think--”

 

“No,” Lando cut in.

 

Finn drew back. “Why not?”

 

Lando rolled his eyes. “Really, kid? I get we’re underrepresented in this universe, but don’t make us related too. It’s a big, wide galaxy, not a shit-splat town in the midwest. Not everyone whose skin is the same color is related.”

 

A chill ran through both men, a chill Finn hadn’t felt since…

 

“Hey, what in the hell is that? That shit happened way back in Part 1 of this story.”

 

“Destroyed headcanon,” said Lando. “It happens every so often when a new Star Wars movie is shown for the first time. Same thing happened during Episode III when there was no hint Mace had a son named Lando before he croaked.”

 

“All right, which motherfucker called me out of Force heaven?” Mace Windu’s Force ghost popped into the frame.

 

“Sorry Mace, just explaining how the three of us aren’t related. Care to back me up?”

 

“Yeah, we’re not motherfucking related.”

 

Lando glanced at Finn. “See?”

 

Finn was speechless.

 

“I’ll tell you what we do have in common though, and that’s ain’t one of us encountered a Skywalker without shit going south with a quickness.”

 

“You can say that again,” said Lando. “I think I got off easiest though. Young man here got his spine sliced open and you’re dead.”

 

“Speaking of, I got dead Jedi shit to do. See ya, motherfuckers.” 

 

Just as Mace disappeared two figures on the horizon came running full speed toward the tomb.

 

“Is that?--”

 

Chewie was flailing the bloodied stump of an arm with a clenched meaty fist attached. 

 

“Sweet Maker! I’m gonna be si--”

 

Just as Finn doubled over to vomit, Lando’s eyes became saucers.

 

Ben Organa Solo had just disappeared into thin air.

 

*** 

 

It was the child who’d alerted the Empress to the son of Solo’s abrupt disappearance. The child who hadn’t reached out in months began to squirm. A brief probe and...

 

“Captain Towani, set our course for Endor.”


	4. The JCF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben explores Endor, Rey makes a statement that is sure to be ironic, a blast from Finn's past shows up on Jakku, and the notorious JCF makes its next move all in this exciting episode of Rise of the ReyEmpress!

Chapter 4: The JCF

 

“The things I do for love.” Between another hellish road trip with the guys and striking a bargain with a barn owl who turned out to be a tight-breeched Goblin King, Ben Organa Solo was beginning to wonder why he hadn’t stayed on the dark side. At least there he was the one causing the chaos. Every lure back to the light, beginning with letting the traitor go on Jakku, seemed to throw chaos back into his own lap.

 

“Bring your wife home, they said. It’s your responsibility, Ben. Hell, my own father waited six years before coming after me when I was on the dark side. Maybe I should have gotten knocked up,” he muttered to himself as he scaled the walls of Terak’s ruined castle.

 

Now here he was on a side dungeon crawl for a magic ring on the very moon where his parents had conceived him while surrounded by spear-wielding teddy bears.

 

“But you know what?” he panted. “I actually prefer it this way. At least in this creepy ass dark side castle there are no drunken family squabbles, no anxiety ridden droids, and no obnoxious life forms following me around. No one here but—“

 

“Yub nub!” squeaked a voice from the top of the wall.

 

Ben cut a look up at the heavens and sighed. “Damn your situational irony.”

 

***

 

“Supreme Empress.” General Mitaka swallowed. “We’re approaching the forest moon of Endor.”

 

“Excellent. Reports from expeditions?”

 

“As expected. Small bands of simple, but adorable life forms.”

 

“Nothing our forces cannot handle.”

 

Mitaka refrained from the impudence of pointing out that galactic history said otherwise and instead took a different course. “Captain Towani advises she has been to this moon before. The natives are capable in their own right, and apparently a powerful Force using witch still resides here.”

 

She brushed him off. “Nothing I cannot handle.”

 

“And there is still the matter of the Fallen Jedi.”

 

A swirl of mixed emotions roiled from the Empress. Anger, fear, but also tendrils of insipid compassion. “I am no fool for love,” she spat. “I will not be seduced.”

 

Mitaka almost about faced and got the hell out of there, but damn it all, he was a General, hand selected by Kylo Ren himself and kept in his position by the most powerful woman in the galaxy! Like it or not, this was his duty. “With all due respect, Supreme Empress—“

 

She glared from the side of her cowl. “With all due respect, the next part of your sentence will be utterly disrespectful?”

 

He swallowed and stood straighter, gritting his teeth. _This family and their prideful snark._ “No, Empress. As your General, I thought it best to tell you that in my experience persons of import making declarations they will not do something or are not something tends to lead to the opposite.”

 

She moved in close to his face. “You think your Empress weak, General?”

 

“I think my extraordinary Empress bound by the laws of this galaxy, which seem to favor dramatic reversals and multiple types of irony. The Force has a sense of humor, Empress.”

 

“The Force…” she whispered. The child began to awaken and stir within her. She closed her eyes and felt the light coursing through her as it had at the cliff’s edge on Starkiller Base. The child moved and flipped, basking in the light. A quick heartbeat thrummed in the back of Rey’s mind. Yet on the heels of the light came the dark, fear for her daughter’s safety, fear of her being exposed, mistreated, taken advantage of…

 

Mitaka felt his throat tighten as the Empress lifted him off his feet.

 

“I will have that holo. I _will_ finish what I started.”

 

Mitaka was hurled toward the exit.

 

“And no man will stand in my way.”

 

***

 

“Echo Base, come in. Do you read me?”

 

“Loud and clear, Big Deal. Awaiting sitrep.”

 

“You’re not going to believe this, but the General’s son has disappeared into thin air.”

 

Silence on the line.

 

“She believes it. Any indication where he went?”

 

“None. We’re still on Jakku. Headed back to base, with the General’s permission.”

 

“You’ve got it.”

 

“How’s my husband?”

 

“Alive and well, ready to fly.”

 

“Tell him I’ll see him soon.”

 

“Will do. He’ll be ready to—“

 

BOOM!

 

Finn jumped. “Echo Base, what was that? Do you copy? Echo Base, come in?”

 

But Echo Base had disappeared from the line.

 

At that very moment, a ship broke the atmosphere and came to a landing not far from the Falcon. Finn, Lando, Luke, and Chewie all watched as the pilot hauled herself out.

 

“Wrrrrrrgh.”

 

“Man, you said it,” said Lando. “Thank the Maker it’s not a sausage fest around here anymore.”

 

The pilot removed her helmet, letting down pitch black hair, and Finn gasped.

 

“Hey Big Deal. Miss me?”

 

“No. No, no, no. I am not doing this again.” Finn shook his head.

 

“Relax. I just want to talk.”

 

Lando and Luke sniggered.

 

“Girl trouble? I thought you had a husband at home,” goaded Lando.

 

“I’m bi,” Finn said curtly. “And Tran here is a First Order spy.”

 

“Double agent, but that’s fine, don’t believe me.” She shrugged. 

 

“Why would we?” said Finn.

 

“Ask the General.”

 

“It just so happens the line’s gone dead. Isn’t that a coincidence,” said Lando.

 

Luke cut in. “She’s telling the truth.”

 

Finn drew back. “Holy Force, you can do that shit too?”

 

“Nah, Ben and Rey are the only ones who can read minds. But I can get a read on general emotions. She’s being honest.”

 

“Well, what do you want?”

 

She stood before Finn, as pretty as the day they’d met. He felt his cheeks begin to burn.

 

“We have a bigger problem than the First Order. An extremist group within the Resistance defected not long after the destruction of the first Starkiller Base. A group who wants both the General’s son and daughter in law dead. They call themselves…” She paused dramatically. “JCF.”

 

“Maker save us!” Threepio hobbled down from the Falcon with his hands in the air.

 

“JCF? What does that even mean?”

 

“We in the top secret section of the Resistance have been calling them the Joke of a Cunting Fandom. But listen, it gets worse.”

 

“Naturally,” said Luke, who by this time had gone ahead and taken the flask from his robes. 

 

“They won’t rest until every ounce of nuance is stripped from the galaxy, every character no matter how major or minor, is turned one dimensional. Where heroes are heroes and villains are villains. They’re trying to turn Star Wars into a fan servicing 1980s B movie.”

 

The men gasped.

 

“Yes, but. Does this mean I’ll get a montage?” asked Finn.

 

“Without anything as cool as a montage.”

 

“Damn it,” said Finn.

 

She looked at Luke. “The bright side is, they sure do seem to like you.”

 

“Damn right,” said Luke, puffing up.

 

“So what are we going to do?” asked Finn. “We have to warn Rey!”

 

“And my naughty nephew.”

 

“Yeah, and his— What?” Finn made a face.

 

Even Lando cut Luke a sideways look. “You were on that island way too long.”

 

Tran kept her eye on Luke. “I’ve got an idea.”

 

***

 

“Commander Dern, I’ve just lost sights on the _Finalizer_. It appears to have disappeared into hyperspace,” reported Toro. “However, the Millennium Falcon landed on Jakku.”

 

“Never mind the traitorous daughter in law. I’ve got the General in my palm of my hand. Soon Ben Solo will come looking for Mommy and when he does, his wife is sure to follow.”

 

“So… do you want me to go scope out the Falcon situation? I could go tell Finn he’s Force sensitive and he’s Luke’s son, then the two of them could kill the bad seed, Han’s death would be avenged, Rey could finally marry Finn becoming a Skywalker, and everyone would live happily ever after. That’d be refreshing, don’t you think?”

 

Dern considered carefully before answering. “Go. They will join us or die.”


	5. For Carrie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrie Fisher has been a part of my life since I was a small child. As a long time Star Wars fan, Princess Leia was my first love. As I aged, I began to love Carrie for the strong life she led. She stood firmly in herself, fought for mental health recognition, and was a powerful force for women the world over. I will never forget the day I had the honor of embracing her at Comicon, and what a wry, sharp witted yet kind lady she was that day. She may have only been one woman, but to me she was Space Mom, and she will always be royalty. <3

Chapter 5: For Carrie

 

Captain Towani led the group through the forest moon of Endor, her mousy boyfriend leading up the rear. The Supreme ReyEmpress was accompanied by several elite troopers. It didn’t take long for the group to spot Terak’s abandoned castle, nor the owl and crow who perched atop its wall.

 

“Ben Solo,” The ReyEmpress murmured, sensing his Force signature. The child within her stirred, and she strengthened her mental defenses, shutting off his access to her heart and mind.

 

They heard voices from the top.

 

“Okay, I helped you get her ring. Now can you send me back to Jakku? I have something kindof important to do.”

 

The crow took her human form and the owl followed suit in turn.

 

“Charal?” muttered Towani.

 

“You know this witch?” said Rey.

 

“Know her? She kidnapped me and brought me to this castle when I was a girl. She’s bad news, a powerful Force user.”

 

“And the fae?”

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the Goblin King told Ben.

 

“Yeah? Why not?”

 

“Because the belonging you seek is not above you, it is below.”

 

“Well what the hell does that mean? I don’t have time for cryptic riddles.”

 

The Goblin King rolled his eyes. “Literally look down.”

 

Suddenly an orange hooded ewok peered over the top of the wall. “Cindel!”

 

“Wicket? Wicket!” cried Towani.

 

Ben made eye contact with the ReyEmpress. “Rey!”

 

As the fallen Jedi and the ewok clambered down from the castle, the Goblin King turned to the witch.

 

“A deal’s a deal. You can take human form once more. Now open a portal to Sarah Williams’ office.”

 

“What’s your rush?” Charal toyed with him.

 

“If you must know, we’ve had an unexpected influx in the Underground this year, and I’m expecting someone of import very soon. I need a queen at my side, a strong woman who takes no flack and lives her life to the fullest, to make her feel properly welcomed.”

 

Charal frowned. “Just who is this ‘person of import’?”

 

Jareth, for the first time in ages, smiled a sincere, heartfelt smile. “She’s royalty.”

 

***

 

“But you don’t understand. See, you’re Luke Skywalker’s son, you’re Force sensitive, and you’re going to marry Rey.”

 

“Yeah? You read the script?” countered Finn.

 

Toro pulled a script from his bag. “Well, I’ve been hanging out at Starbucks working on this treatment for a while. See, in this version…”

 

The parakeet on his shoulder squawked.

 

“Oh good grief,” muttered Lando.

 

“Now, the writers really screwed up with what’s happened so far. Rey going dark? No just no. But I don’t think it’s beyond repair. See, Luke can reveal Finn’s his son right now. Then Finn and Luke can go after Rey, with the rest of us heroically helping the Resistance. Then Finn and Luke take down Kylo Ren, so no divorce necessary for her, she’ll be a widow. Finn then realizes he’s madly in love with Rey and wants to marry her, so he divorces Poe. But that’s okay, because Poe has fallen for Tran—“

 

“Poe’s gay,” Finn cut him off.

 

“Well, I think one could argue—“

 

“No. He’s just gay. Parade marching, rainbow flag waiving, queer as a three dollar bill, G-A-Y, gay. As in, there is no heterosexual interpretation of his character except in fanfiction,” Finn said.

 

Tran raised her hand. “Do I even get a say in this?”

 

“Yeah, and why would we kill my nephew? He’s already back on the light side.”

 

“I’ve got a solution for that,” Toro was prepared. “See, I think it would be refreshing to have a surprise twist in which Ben, driven mad by the miscarriage of his unborn child, goes deeper and deeper into the dark side on a path that is now unstoppable!”

 

“That’s not how stories work!” yelled Finn. “And what the fuck is wrong with you? My best friend and her husband have a miscarriage so that… what? She doesn’t pass the tainted seed on or some shit? Oh yeah, I’m sure she’ll just forget about that and move happily along to our new marriage where we make lots of new babies that totally replace that one.”

 

The look on Toro’s face told them that was exactly the idea.

 

“Man, you are just tacky, get the fuck ou—“

 

Luke drew back, a sickening feeling punching him in the gut.

 

“What is it?” Tran asked. “Are you okay?”

 

Luke had his hand to his heart and was catching his breath. He looked up at the group. “We have to go. Now.”

 

***

 

Cindel Towani scooped her furry friend into a bear hug. “I missed you so much!”

 

“I missed you too, Cindel!”

 

“How touching,” intoned the ReyEmpress as Ben Organa Solo made his way toward her. “Husband.”

 

“Rey,” he returned.

 

They stared at one another.

 

“Your wife is gone. She was weak and foolish like her husband, so I destroyed her.”

 

“That’s not true. It’s just what you want to believe. My wife is alive. And so is our daughter.”

 

Her hand moved to her belly. “I am the most powerful Empress in the galaxy! No one will harm our child!”

 

“Come home, Rey. I miss you. I miss her.”

 

Rey carefully considered him, her eyes wandering over her husband’s face, tears beginning to form and the conflict within her, against her best efforts, beginning to show.

 

Just then, a powerful punch to the gut hit husband and wife at once and they doubled over.

 

Rey met her husband’s eyes.

 

“Mom.”

 

***

 

The two groups arrived at the Resistance none too soon. Finn’s group went to join Poe while Rey and Ben used their bond to sense Leia’s direction.

 

“We should be close. Just one my floor and—“

 

They were stopped cold by a sinister looking Sith lady.

 

“Commander Dern,” said Rey. “So you’re the Ancient One.”

 

“Yes. But I think you’ll find I’m not without reason. Leave this,” she curled up her lip at Ben. “ _Monster_ , and all will be forgiven.”

 

“I don’t have time for this!” growled Ben. “Where’s my mother?”

 

“Unfortunately, one of the JCF’s missiles hit the base, resulting in many casualties and many wounded.”

 

Ben drew and lit his blue saber, rage beginning to fill his face.

 

Rey drew the red cross guard saber in solidarity.

 

“Still such a temper. Won’t be terribly difficult to turn you back to the dark side. After that, your strong wife, who doesn’t need a man anyway, will have no choice but to put you down like the dog you are.”

 

“We’ll never join you!” countered Rey.

 

The Ancient One cackled. “Well. If he won’t turn to the dark side, then perhaps—“

 

Ben and Rey both received what felt like a punch, this time with Ben left clutching his heart.

 

“Mother,” he breathed, tears filling his eyes. “No…”

 

Seizing her opportunity, the Ancient One suddenly pushed a blast of Force Storm more powerful than even Palpatine’s lightening had been at Rey.

 

Ben jumped in front of his pregnant wife, taking the full force of the blast.

 

“NO!” 

 

Rey tried to catch him as he fell, but he clattered to the ground.

 

“Rey,” he smiled up at her.

 

“Not you too! Not you too! Don’t go!”

 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. I lo—” His eyes closed.

 

Tears streamed down her face, falling onto his. No. After so many deaths, so much destruction in the last year, not this too. Maz Kanata’s words from long ago whispered in the back of her mind. _It moves through and surrounds all things. Feel it. The light._ Then Leia’s. _Rey. May the Force be with you._

 

She gritted her teeth. She knew she had to try. No, not try. Do.

 

She centered herself, allowing the light side to flow through her. She placed one hand on his heart and one on his temple. “I love you,” Rey whispered, then brushed her lips against his.

 

***

 

Ben Organa Solo awoke in his childhood bedroom. He got out of bed, standing to take in his surroundings.

 

“Oh come on. They did not pull a Dallas.”

 

“No, they didn’t. Thank the Force. Can you imagine how pissed people would be?”

 

“Mom?”

 

“Yes honey,” Leia smiled. “It’s me.”

 

“Am I dead?”

 

“I dunno. What do you think?”

 

Ben’s face fell. “I screwed up again. I failed you, Mom.”

 

“You’re my _son_. Your father and I forgave you a long time ago. And there was nothing — nothing you could have done this time. Sometimes… these things just happen. The Force works in mysterious ways, and it was my time.”

 

Ben looked down to his mother’s face.

 

Leia pulled her son into an embrace.

 

Ben spent several long moments holding his mother, tears that had been pushed down for years coming unbidden. 

 

“What you did for Rey was incredibly brave. I couldn’t be prouder to have you as a son.”

 

“Where is Rey? Is she safe?”

 

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

 

A strange, ethereal whisper permeated the room. It came from nowhere and everywhere. 

 

_Ben. Come back. Come back._

 

Leia smiled at her son. “Seems you have a choice to make.”

 

“I finally made things right. They’re better off without me.”

 

_Come back, Daddy. Come back._

 

“Two someones who love you doesn’t seem to think so.”

 

Ben cast his eyes toward the ground.

 

“Let’s say you gave it a shot and went home. Maybe you could try listening to her? Maybe even trust her to know things in a timely manner? Women know best anyway.”

 

Ben looked at his mother.

 

“You know it’s true.” She winked.

 

Ben laughed, tears still in his eyes, and Leia grinned.

 

“I love you, sweetheart.”

 

“I love you, Mom.”

 

They embraced for another moment that seemed like forever and no time at all.

 

_Come back._

 

“That’s your cue, and mine as well. There’s a Goblin King I promised I’d give hell when I saw him. And son — no matter what, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.”

 

Ben grinned. “You got it, Mom.”

 

The sounds of a heartbeat and a purr grew louder, perfectly synchronized, thrumming in his being. A bright light filled the room, and as his mother’s voice grew more distinct, the room, his mother’s image, everything else began to fade.

 

_Ben. The Force will be with you. And I will be with you. All of you. Always._

 

***

 

Their lips broke when he took a breath in. She watched Ben’s eyes flutter open.

 

The Ancient One’s grimace of a smile turned to a sneer. She drew back. “It can’t be.”

 

Ben Organa Solo clutched his side, but stood.

 

“It’s-it’s not possible! I watched you die! Kylo Ren is dead!”

 

Ben stood at his full height. “Yes. He did. But I am Ben Organa Solo. And the Force is with me, like my parents before me.”

 

The Ancient One paused for a moment. “Well then… like your parents before you will DIE!”

 

She directed another blast of Force Storm at the pair, who stopped it midair. 

 

They gritted their teeth and strained against her attack.

 

_Feel it. The light._

 

Ben and Rey relaxed into the light side, synchronizing their breath, finding the Force with one another.

 

The storm dissipated. The Ancient One drew back, stunned.

 

_Together?_

 

_Together._

 

They ignited their blades and in a quick simultaneous thrust, it was finished.

 

Ben and Rey studied one another’s faces. He placed his hand on his wife’s belly, feeling their daughter kick with joy. They leaned in close, their lips a breath away.

 

“Argh!” He squenched his eyes and doubled over momentarily.

 

Rey moved in to help him stand. “You okay?”

 

He gave her a look that reminded her of his father. “Yeah. But I feel terrible.”


	6. PabloGate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was sundered and undone shall be whole, the two made one.
> 
> The galaxy finds itself under a stable government and the celebration begins.

Chapter 6: PabloGate

 

As soon as Ben spent some time in the bacta tank, he and Rey set out collecting the pieces of the holoporn. They destroyed it with both their blades. They felt a tremor in the Force, as if millions of nerds suddenly cried out in sexual frustration and were unable to finish their task.

 

What remained of the First Order and the Resistance met on neutral ground. Poe and Finn, who was by that time a big deal indeed, negotiated with Phasma and Mitaka. There was a heated discussion about war crimes and reparations, but with all the Big Bads obliterated, the loss of the Resistance’s greatest General, and the JCF destroyed, it was difficult to pin blame on any one party. Besides, they agreed, settling anyone with a debt they'd be unable to pay would only set an entire group of people up for failure that would foster bitterness, resentment, and enough anger and desperation to put another maniac into power. This much they had learned. The two groups began the construction of a new, balanced government. Poe and Finn were elected co-Presidents (their space dog Ryan Reynolds along with BB-8 ensured the Damerons were the most well-loved First Family the galaxy had ever known). Phasma, Pava, Mitaka, Tran, and Towani formed a board that handled the welfare of impoverished planets with the full support of Presidents Dameron.

 

Toward the end of negotiations, Rey stuck her head in the door and demanded a clause regarding distribution of private property and appropriate application of justice in cases of revenge porn be written into galactic law. She got her way.

 

They returned to the forest moon of Endor. Ben sensed Finn’s presence, and left Rey among their friends and family while he wandered off to his inevitable confrontation. Finn was waiting for him in a secluded glade. The men considered each other for a long while.

 

“No Force powers,” Ben finally spoke. “Bare fists only. We do this one time. After it’s over, we stay out of each other’s business with Rey.”

 

Finn approached. He’d put on a lot of muscle since Ben had gravely injured him on Starkiller base, and even as scrappy as Ben was, without the use of Force powers Ben was nervous. 

 

Finn looked Ben in the eyes for a long moment. Then— Finn pulled a very startled Ben into an embrace.

 

Before Ben had time to ask questions, Finn spoke. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”

 

After a stunned moment, Ben found himself hugging Finn in return and smiling. “Thank you.”

 

“Life’s too short for bullshit.”

 

They joined the celebration side by side, both of them embracing a grinning Rey.

 

***

 

The ewoks threw a magnificent celebration. Everyone was there, and in pairs. Finn had one arm around Poe and the other around Tran. R-2 was there with Mac and their new addition, little iMech. Phasma and Jess were arm in arm. Luke, Lando, and the twi-leks had scoped out their own corner. Mitaka and Cindel danced with Wicket. Even George Lucas showed up with his arm around a box of Special Edition videos from the 1990’s.

 

George looked at The Loremaster. “Isn’t this wonderful? I was hoping the saga would end with happily ever after. It is a fairy tale, after all.”

 

Pablo frowned at all the couples surrounding him and shook his head. “Ridiculous.”

 

“Come on, Pabs,” said George. “This saga has always been about light and forgiveness and family and love. You can’t blame the fans for wanting everyone to end up happy with someone - it’s human nature. Look at all these magical relationships.”

 

“Put me in a box and ship me Fedex back to California,” grumbled Pablo.

 

The storytellers watched as Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and pulled him toward an empty ewok hut.

 

“Just look at those two. One Boy, the son, reborn through the love of The Girl named for the light. It’s poetic, don’t you think?” 

 

“I still don't like him,” Pablo muttered.

 

George patted Pablo’s shoulder and carried his Special Editions off to join the party.

 

As fireworks exploded overhead and Yub Nub played in the background, Pablo rolled his eyes and dryly intoned, “But at least the Sequel Trilogy didn’t copy the Original.”

 

***

 

In the year 2016, in an Underground very close to planet Earth…

 

The goblins had been set to work organizing the labyrinth. No more could the Goblin King sit by moping. Not after the prophecy. Now was the time for action, and with a Queen by his side, one who’d proven her capacity in motivating even the humblest of creatures to aid her call, he was ready. The small crowd he had gathered murmured amongst each other. He cleared his throat.

 

“I want to thank you all for agreeing to postpone your eternity in Paradise and welcome you to the Underground.”

 

“Cut to the chase, Ziggy,” called out Leia.

 

“Thank you,” Severus Snape intoned in his signature deadpan.

 

Prince glanced at George. “I assume we’re not here to record an album together?”

 

“Unfortunately, no,” said Jareth. “We have a much more important task. It has come to my attention that the world is about to be thrown into a regression. The Americans, blind in their creature comforts and hubris, are about to _let the right one in_.”

 

He pulled a crystal from thin air and scenes began to play. Scenes of an angry, arrogant man with tacky hair spouting hateful rhetoric. They gawked as crowds of people cheered his baseless claims about nonexistent issues like a war on Christmas. They gasped as droves of women leaped to excuse his remarks about women’s bodies and shame other women for daring to be offended.

 

“I’ve seen this before,” Leia spoke. “Watched an entire galaxy be taken in by deceit and willful ignorance. Watched good people turn to the dark side in the name of supposed righteousness. These are the dark times. This is the Empire.”

 

Snape raised his hand. “Is that wretched hairpiece a horcrux?”

 

“The good news is, no horcruxes were involved in the ascent of this particular sociopath’s rise to power,” answered Jareth.

 

“Small provisions,” murmured Snape. “But what can we do? We’re just fictional characters and musical personalities, actors and the like.”

 

Queen Sarah, who’d been silent up to that point, spoke. “We, and the Force, have called you here because you are each muses in your own right, men and women who have shown the strength and courage that is needed to inspire those who live on earth during this time. We selected you as an elite team dedicated to inspiring endurance, faith, compassion, integrity, and most important of all…” She met eyes with General Leia. “Hope.”

 

The newcomers looked one to another.

 

“We’ll do it,” declared Debbie.

 

“But how?” asked George.

 

Leia smiled. “We’ll use the Force.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: The smut you've been looking for. >:-D


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